Making Friends As a Grown Woman from Kalli Verbecky
Making Friends as a Grown Woman
You know what? I’ve always made friends easily. Blame Connie (my mom), who never met a stranger she didn’t try to send a Christmas card to the next year, or a family reunion she didn’t want to attend. Her address book is full of the most random of connections but you can bet she counts every single one of them as near and dear. I may be a bit more socially selective than my mother, but luckily I have a similarly gregarious personality that allows me to attract friends at will. I turned 30 this year, and I feel like this age milestone gives me a bit of street cred when it comes to giving advice about making friends as a grown woman because I’m grown now, right?
I have lots of friends (brag), but I have a rather tight circle of close friends and I met them all at a bar. Kiddingjustkidding. One I used to work with at the worst real estate office on the planet, the other lived down the street, several through blogging, one or two through a mutual friend. What’s the determining factor, why them? Why does it work. For that I don’t have much of an explanation other then the simple fact that they showed up and they continue to show up. Here’s the thing, friendship should be reciprocal. If you want a good friend, then be a good friend. Show up. Care. Try. That’s all. It’s not hard, it might be work at times, but guess what? It pays off. Big time. These are the kind of friends you want. They’re not fairweather, they don’t make excuses. They want to watch your kids, bring you dinner when you have a baby, go to movies with you at 10 pm so you can drink delicious caffienated beverages and share popcorn while you escape from the 7 billion loads of laundry sitting on your bed waiting to be folded. They never ask why or make you feel like you have to explain anything, they simply answer the answer the call and may even beat you to the punch. If you want this in your life, then you must give to receive.
Friendship is best when it isn’t forced, the best ones happen quite organically. For example, I’m super bad with small talk so I usually go straight to embarrassing myself and if anyone still wants to talk to me after that, we might be in business. Seek the company of women that bring something to the table, common interests are nice, but not a deciding factor. One of my dear friends is a former ballerina and current professor of ballet at a local university, which is hilarious considering the fact that I’m always the base of the pyramid if you know what I mean. Neverless, in support of her company I attended a performance. I did. I had no idea what was going on and found myself highly distracted by the male dancer and his weird dance thong/hardware shell, but I went and it was awesome. This same friend laughs at my jokes even though they probably make her really uncomfortable, watches my kids, shares her vegetarian recipes with me freely, teaches me to sew baby shoes, and doesn’t mind if I say the occasional swear even though I’ve never heard her do the same. She shows up. I hope she would say that I do the same.
There’s no big secret to making friends as a grown woman. The same insecurities you had at age 12 will probably still be there at 30. Sometimes you’ll say dumb things and do even dumber things, find the friends who don’t see this as a character flaw, and make sure those friends aren’t the reason you’re doing and saying those dumb things in the first place.
Kalli blogs over at My Life is Kalli *and* has two of the most handsome boys. (I have decided Verbecky is one of the coolest last names so I hope there is a future betrothment in the mix) as well.