I am a real grown up.
Time to change the name of this site to: I didn’t wanna, but I grew up.
I had a rough few days leading up to my 30th birthday. I had a back injury years ago, a decade ago, that was pretty painful for me. My limited college days were spent standing up in the back of classes because sitting down was excruciating. I trained my body to walk in a way that put all my weight on only one foot. Because 10 years ago I had three herniated discs that would jolt a nerve every time I walked. It was like hitting your funny bone but so bad it was painful. Spasms would start in my back and then shoot down one of my legs. I spent many afternoons in physical therapy. But after awhile all the pain went away. When I started having babies I worried it would come back, but it didn’t. When I started running it was short-lived because I have a ruined foot and hip. I still walk—and run and put all my weight on one side of my body. The doctors told me I will have my hips replaced probably in my 40s and that running long distances is not for me. When I was visiting California while pregnant with Reagan the pain came back. But I thought it was something different and had to do with the baby. Thankfully after a couple of days it just went away.
But about a week and half ago it came back and the pain was so extreme I was on my stomach for almost three days. I crawled downstairs a couple of times to get myself something to eat. Tyler helped over conference weekend as my horrible attitude got worse and worse. A couple of days in I realized I had to cut it out and I dropped the nasty attitude. General Conference weekend will fix you like that.
We had plans to go ziplining and leave the two babies at home with a sitter. I was worried because even though every day the pain was better I wasn’t sure about ziplining. But I decided that it was my 30th birthday and I wanted to break my back in style I guess.
But when my camera and computer were stolen and some other things to do with that happened the day before, I didn’t want to do anything. We decided to postpone my birthday celebrations for a couple of weeks until I was feeling more like myself. It was a big blow and my heart hurt for awhile. It still does–but not as bad.
We did leave the house to go out to lunch. Where I felt like a superstar for feeding myself, the baby, and a toddler all at once. Also with my two other girls squished up against me. They wanted to be really close to me because it was my birthday lunch. There is this fun place called the Taco Bar where you build your own tacos with the menu. You can sit at the bar on swings. That never happens because I am sure if my family did that in about 10 minutes two kids would have split open knees or heads or lips or whatever.
I am glad we canceled our plans. For a couple of days I woke up crying and went to bed crying. Listen, pictures mean a lot to me, it is hard for some people to understand. But they sure do.
Then on my birthday I walked into church a little down. This past week was the first time I really missed my ward–well any ward for that matter. I just needed some sisters, I needed a Relief Society for ME. My branch is an hour away, everyone lives out there, and no one owns a car (or is able to drive a car). I wanted sisters to come help me during the week. And I am not one to ask for or plead for help. But if I had been anywhere else I would have over the week. I just wanted someone to run up to me and say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! But no one knew it was. So I sulked for the first few minutes of church. And then I got over myself. Life is good. I looked around and knew all the physical heartache people are going through around me. My problems were very miniscule compared to them. So once again, my attitude flew away.
So on my birthday I enjoyed a normal, chase two babies around, finally give up and play in the water spicket, kind of Sunday.
Finally yesterday after lunch I decided I felt up to going somewhere and doing something. So I called our babysitter and we went out for a night on the town on a Tuesday night. Tyler and I went to my favorite restaurant int he area and a walk on the beach. Glad I waited, it was such a beautiful night.
I had my mom send me pictures of each of my “decades of life” so I can look through how far I have come.
I showed my baby picture to Tyler and said, “People say my girls look a lot like me but I don’t see it!” He replied by looking at me like I was crazy. Why can’t I see myself in my girls?
This is when I was 10 years old, look at that! Can we say, early 90′s?!
The next picture is of my wedding day, this is my favorite picture of that day.
Look at me now, it has been a busy decade. I married a good good man, my very best friend, and was given four smart, full of personality, beautiful girls.
What a beautiful 30 years I have had. Happy Birthday to me indeed.