update on my cuatro chiquitas
Summer and I are in a fight right now. I have over-obligated myself in summer fun which is starting not to feel so hot. I want school to start and I want to stay home most days. Get back in the rhythm of waking up early, getting things done, resting, reading, playing, cooking, cleaning. One thing I am not tiring of is, summer bedtimes. This is the first time I have let go of bedtimes in my stint as a mother, and I love it. Sitting in the late thunderstorm rains together, cuddling on the couch, late night treat stops, lying in my girl’s beds chatting away.
I had to bribe Abby with a dollar store trip to get her to dress in matching clothes.
Abby (7) is reaching for more freedom, in small ways. She wants to make cookies on her own, pick out her own school clothes, plan events entirely by herself. She wants to chat all day long to me, but usually the chatting asks for things all day. And I push her away too much because it is tiring to me. Which is selfish, I need to sit and chat with her more. She is exploring her sense of humor and how she interacts with others. Moving around has been good for her. She opens up easier, makes friends faster, knows how to act and what to say to make others bond with her. She loves friends and bends easily to what they want and cares a lot about what they say. I have to remind her dad not to touch her food anymore. She doesn’t like it to be cut in half or messed with, she is old enough to leave her be with some things. Abby spends her days sewing, reading, planning things, crafting, and being a huge help. We are starting to prepare her for her baptism and she loves the thought of attending Activity Days in a few months. Lots of days she is best friends with Cameron and they play pretend for hours. She adores going to church and recently gave a talk where she gave a solo, without batting a nervous eyelash. I have this little card in my wallet with her clutching onto her dollie, on the bottom I have written, “BE PATIENT WITH ME MOM.” I have to work on happily answering her endless questions all day. I snap too much, I have to stop or she will stop coming to me. This is my goal with this sweet girl of mine. Also to remind myself that SHE IS SEVEN. She acts so much older sometimes and sometimes I hold her to things that I 12 year old should do well, not a 7 year old!
Cameron (6 in October) is worrying me less, what a good girl! She is very interested in friends now and can successfully maintain a friendship. She took a lot longer to do this and boy is it hard not to over-worry and compare my girls! Oh it makes me so happy to see, she will be just fine. Tyler and I are handling her anxiety better and as time passes she gets better with that as well. This little girl is going to be such a sweet mother that knows how to soothe her children so well. She is so good with Reagan and Shae, it is natural for her. All my girls are used to and need daily physical affection. But she even more so, I have to remember all day to rub her back or kiss her cheek or hug her tightly. Because it makes her behave better throughout the day and her soul needs it. I also have to be careful with how I grab her to come along quicker, or move her out of the way if she is dilly daddling. If someone physically gets frustrated with her (I am not talking hitting–we don’t do that!) it takes all the light out of her. So I have to be very careful with her, that is my goal with this sweet child. She notices when things aren’t equal between her and Abby, and it hurts her quite a bit. I fear this is not something she will grow out of. Sometimes adults that don’t understand her get frustrated with her. I am not sure on how to deal with this the right way. I have to ask people to include her and show her attention like they do with Abby. And when they do she B-E-A-M-S. Cameron is very attached to me and relies on me heavily. And I have a feeling she always will, which I can do. The two of us are so different that we don’t drive each other batty.
Shae (2) just needs her big sisters to go to school already so she can get some fun time alone with her mama. I want to read more, do fun art projects, cuddle, talk, all that jazz. It will happen when the girls are in school and I can’t wait. For now I tell myself she gets to play all day long with two wonderful friends. She is very attached to her sisters, she depends on them for help throughout the day. If I ask to if I can give her kisses and she says no, hugs and cuddles, same response. So whenever she wants to I stop everything and do it. Her little sister has been such a hard baby I fear that that is why she is pulled away from me. Sometimes I’ll wake her up to cuddle with me as I fall asleep. Her first six weeks or so of nursery were painful for her but now she does fine with it. She is learning to share, not scream as much. She also is so good at sneaking snacks all day long. Shae does not talk nearly as much as my first two, so sometimes I don’t know how to connect with her as well. I’m excited to see what her personality is like. And I adore her becoming friends with her cousins that are her age. She is unhealthily attached to her bunny and rocks rompers. Also, she is so darned cute, yes?
Reagan (10 months) is a replica of my other babies but a bit more severe. Meaning she only likes her mother and is very nervous when any other adult is around. If another adult is in the house I have to be on the same level as her or be holding her. Surprisingly just like my other children, she does so well with babysitters. She likes to be held most of the day which is fine with me because she is as light of a feather. She is too light, weighing in at under 1% on the growth charts. I birth huge babies and they get skinny quite fast, but not this small. She is on a high calorie diet and it seems to be helping. But she moves around the best out of all my slow moving, slow walking babies. She crawls up on top of couches and wiggles her way into things. When she crawls onto the lower level kid couch she does the funniest thing. She will want something back on the floor so I watch her first come to the conclusion that she has to throw herself off, second brace herself, third just drop herself. Then she grabs what she wants and is on her way. Sadly no one sees this because again if they are in the room she is super glued to me. I desperately want her to grow and develop more. My fourth baby has been hard for me, she was a very hard baby in Costa Rica. I am starting to see the light though and hope we continue moving towards it. She had better continue because I love her so fiercely! My goal with her is to help her gain weight and carry on. And to become less needy so I can have an extra hand for Shae, who is still a baby herself.
My main goal right now as a mother is to re-group and be home more. Simplify, not go out as much, and slow down our pace of life. Summer is crazy, summer is fun, but is time for summer to end in a couple of weeks. And I will be happy to return to the flow of things and focus more on making sure my house is how it should be.