The Tale of Brownies & Nursing

February 27th, 2013 in About Me

I looked down, a fourth of them were gone. What had I done.


My body has never been a super milk machine like other women. My supply has always been low, not very fatty, and dwindles away before I would like it too. I have tried things here or there (herbs, adding this to my diet, taking away this, etc.) but also have just come to the conclusion that this is how it is.


My name is Vanessa and my breastmilk doesn’t cut it.


I try to make it “cut it.” But I just end up with skinny fussy babies, that need something more. So I start food earlier than I would like. Thankfully my girls have all loved avocados, bananas, whole grain mush at an earlier age. My last baby I started on coconut water and coconut milk, which saved the day. With each baby the problem starts earlier.


I had Reagan on such a nice flow. She was happier, had two set naptimes each day, one of which was coordinated with Shae’s naptime. Two full hours each day with the two babies asleep–magnificent. They both went to bed at 7pm and I had Reagan down to only waking up once in the night. That dream come true and hard work only lasted a few days.


Now the child is starving and everything is lost. I hold her as she cries till she just gives up and rests her head on my shoulder. I work on getting her used to drinking from something else than me and liking the taste of a new liquid. Coconut water and milk. I let her nurse out of comfort and also because there might be a bit in there. There is—somewhat, kind of. She is up 4 or 5 times in the night furiously trying to nurse. I let her as she bites down with her two sharp teeth and rubs me raw. Then I work with her at the bottle with the coconut water.


Yesterday in a state of panic I put Reagan in her bed to cry. I ran downstairs to furiously start whipping up a pan of brownies. No—a double batch of brownies. Cameron stood watching me, “1….2….3….” I started to zone her out. She finally shouted, “MOM, TWELVE, you have taken twelve licks, just stop it!” I finished the brownie batter in record speed time and put them in the oven to cook. Went back upstairs to work with the upset baby and finally heard the timer beep. I shoved that pan of brownies into the freezer without a thought. Did I care if it was going to maybe melt some plastic or packaging I had in the freezer? NO.


A few minutes later I pulled the once streaming hot pan from the freezer and started at it. Boy did I feel much better after each sliver of still warm brownies entered my belly! I was in my own world until once again, Cameron was standing before me with her puppy dog eyes. She was begging for a taste so I looked down at the brownies.


A fourth. Somehow I ate eaten a fourth of that huge pan of double batch brownies.


And it was worth it.


I have to share this recipe with you. My favorite brownie recipes call for high end cocoa, gray sea salt, chocolate bars, real butter, etc. But those supplies are harder to come by out here. This brownie recipe has simple ingredients in it and stands up to the weird brown sugar they have in Costa Rica. A great….”oh  my goodness right now I can’t breathe, I need a sweet, I have nothing fancy in the house”….brownie recipe. Find it here.

Also can we all say together—EMOTIONAL EATER!






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