Sugar & Spice by Vanessa

February 9th, 2010 in Uncategorized

*This post was over at but we are taking the site down and I wanted to save it!

My girls (2 and almost 4) on their way to our weekly
trip to the Farmers Market

I don’t really feel qualified or that I have enough experience with daughters to share any sort of advice. After all, I have only had two daughters for a couple of years.

I still have no idea what I am doing and feel really nervous that maybe I should have more of a clear plan.

When I am around people like Aunt Jenny or friends that have older daughters that are just sweet, well spoken, helpful and loving I grill them with questions! I must drive them all crazy because I am the type that likes to plan ahead! I want clear directions so I can have a nice and neat task list. So if I check off numbers 1-5, my result will be a well cared for, well rounded and loving daughter. I think I amuse my friends with older daughters by my questions. Sometimes they indulge me and try to think back on what they did or did not do. I have read stacks of books, magazine articles and blog posts on how to raise a healthy daughter. It has been helpful but sometimes I wonder if I am over doing it a bit.  Maybe things should come a bit more naturally? Like a healthy nice balance? Who knows.

Whenever I think I have figured one stage out in my daughters’ lives, they are off to the next. And when I think I have it *kind of* down pat, the next daughter comes out unbelievably extremely different.

Whats a mom to do?

I still have no idea but I *think* these things are on my clear do NOT and to DO lists:

–Have lots of fun: Run around the house dancing to music everyday at 3pm, make lots of forts, bake a lot of cookies, sing lots of songs, have quite a bit of cuddle time and lots of reading time.

–Respect their personal space: I liked this piece of advice I got a few years ago in regards to the Daddy-Daughter relationships, but I think it also applies to Mother-Daughter relationships. Respect their personal space, meaning their body, so that they expect that from all men (and women). If they ask you to stop tickling them or teasing them–Stop. When they get to a certain age, knock and ask to enter their rooms- well, of course, unless you need to bust down the door (if it involves fire or a boy).

–Shy away from labels: It is so natural for me to want to say “Cameron is such a ____. I know she will be ___ when she grows up! Look at how different Abby is from Cameron.  Abby is such a _______ and Cameron is the opposite. She is such a ____?!”  Lots of times I do say those things, but I really try not to. I want them to grow and flourish and become who THEY want to be, not mold into labels that have been forced upon them by me from day one.

–Don’t place my own insecurities onto them: Which I do and I am trying really hard to STOP.

–Have patience.  Give them an emotionally strong mother who provides them with a healthy home.

–Work hard to make sure their daddy is their best friend and best dad with whom they have the best relationship with.

–Make sure every single day that they understand and can feel the most important thing they will learn during their entire lifetime. That Jesus and Heavenly Father KNOW them and LOVE them. That he is always always there for them and will never let them down.

Maybe in ten more years I can write a bit more of a helpful post! Until then, send me all of your suggestions, experiences and advice. I need it. Having daughters brings me such joy but it also completely terrifies me….daily. Being their mom is the most important job I will have in my lifetime and I really hope I don’t screw it up! And when I do, I hope they are lovely enough to forgive me.

The latest picture I have with my girls. Taken with my phone.

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