Socially Awkward Mom

“You know, when I first met you, Vanessa, I couldn’t tell if you were just really shy or snooty,” my newest friend finally confides to me. Many friends throughout the years have shared this with me as soon as they felt close enough to me to be able to do so.

I know this.  Boy, have I continually been working on this. I just wish they knew how terribly hard it is for me. If they understood the tightness I get in my throat when I just have to look someone in the eye and shake their hand for the first…or even second…or even thrid time.  If they knew how, in high school, for me to even murmur, “Here,” during roll-call caused my heart to beat and my hands to become clammy. How I might be eligible to be in the “Guinness Book of World Records” for the most awkward social introductions ever.  When I get nervous, I can’t even remember what town I am from, what I do for a living, or how many kids I have.

Although, you would be proud of me now if you had met me seven years ago.  I was a thousand more times as severe. It has taken a lot of other people and myself placing me outside my comfort zone, FORCING me to become well….socially normal.

It is still bad, though, and the thing that I realized this week- it’s affecting my girls.

Abby is almost 3 1/2, and already things are to the point where if I’m not in “the” playgroup club or even in “a” playgroup club, I’m out.  I’m out, and it already puts my  babies socially behind.  Last week, at the first dance class of the year in our new studio, all of the mothers seemed to know eachother from the previous year. They started planning lunch dates, planning trips to take the girls to see a play, and signing up together for additional dance classes.

As all the mothers left, I realized Abby was the only one not invited along with the other girls. And I had only myself to blame.

How long till she will realize this?  That her socially inept mother is holding her back?

That night I let her stay up late, and filled her cute belly with cookies just “for fun” (I claimed). Little did she know, the special treat was because I felt horribly guilty.

So here we go.  Time to stop being “snooty” or “shy” or just “socially awkward.”

Today, I will walk over to my neighbor’s door, ask to come to play group and make a good first impression.

Next week at dance class, I will try my darndish to break through that mother/daughter group.

And if it doesn’t work, I will work my hardest to form my own group…..

….maybe full of the socially challenged like me.

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