Soccer & A New Phase of Motherhood

September 9th, 2010 in Life

Who knew a soccer game could have me contemplating motherhood and once again feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing?

I feel like my girls are entering this whole new PHASE of growing up and a new phase of motherhood for me. During her first soccer game I watched all these parents around me talk about different coaches and other sports. Then I watched them get so into the game that they were screaming and booing and…I just don’t know.   It was just like I was in twilight zone.

I don’t know anything about team moms or the right kind of snack to bring.  Or being on a PTA board or what the rules are for playing after school.  Or ANY of this…stuff!

I watched a lot of friends that have children around the same age as mine send their oldest kids off to school and it had me bawling, every single darn picture.  In some pictures I saw excitement in their eyes. Most likely they would do just fine and not even think of their mama bawling at home after they dropped them off. Then some of the pictures I saw worry and fear and I bawled at that too.  Oh my goodness, I just want to scoop up my kids anytime they are sad.  I don’t want to leave them all a-l-o-n-e.  I don’t care if it is good for them or not.

Goodness me.  I don’t think I want this next phase of motherhood; this phase of having busy children and yelling at soccer games and volunteering at my daughter’s class while trying not to embarrass her. I don’t know how to do it! I don’t know the rules or the best way to do things or ANYTHING!

A small part of me is excited…I think my girls have had a blast at childhood so far, and in this next phase they are going to have even more fun.

I just am kind of scared of this new phase.  It’s sending me into flashbacks of the phase of bringing home a new baby. How I was terrified of bathing her for the first time and had my mommy do it.  Or how the first time I cut her fingernails I didn’t know there were baby ones and I cut off the top of her finger (yes, I KNOW). Or how whenever anything weird would come out of her I would be on google and asking everyone that would listen to me about it. Man, I have patient friends and family members. I remember sending my sister Camille one billion emails a day asking her what it would be like to have a baby.  And YES, she replied to every single one.  Then there was that phase of having two kids under 18 months and you know…it really was OK. It was.

Do you freak out with new phases of life? Are you in this phase or another one? How do you deal?

Goodness me, I am scared and have no idea what I am doing.


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