love of local in Utah
Saturday: Shop!—Charity Birthday Parties
I really want every one’s feedback and opinion on this subject, so be sure to participate in the poll AND leave a comment. Pretty Please 
The thought of shopping or adding more toys to an already overstuffed playroom is not something that excites me at the moment. WE HAVE ENOUGH. We really do have more than enough.
I have been thinking for a little while of what to do present-wise at my daughter’s three year old birthday party that is coming up. It is in a couple of months and it will be her first “friend” party.
A few months ago I read about a boy who for his whole life has done something very special at each of his “friend” birthday parties. Instead of keeping the presents that his friends give him he donates them to charity. I have also heard of asking people to bring donations to charity in place of a gift, everything from shoes to money. You can see examples of children doing ”Charity Birthday Parties” here, here and here.
What do you think about this idea? I can think of so many wonderful reasons to do this but have a few worries. Do you think it takes away from the child’s birthday? Do you think it is tacky to tell people what to bring in place of a present? Do you think it might be pushing the child into doing something he might not want to do?
Those are a few of my worries although overall I would really love to start this tradition. I would ideally love to have my children pick the charity that they would like to help that year, to learn more about the organization and the issues that need their help. I would also want to have a couple presents from Mom & Dad and Grandparents that are for them to keep. Have not made up my mind yet, what do you think?
Tags: charity birthday parties, saturday
I love the idea! Let the child pick the charity or type of charity. Those attending the party could bring cash donations or food for a food bank, or toys for sick children or those without, or books for literacy programs. The possibilities are endless and I think it is a wonderful way to show a child how to give with love. I wish I would have thought of this 10 years ago!
I think this is a wonderful idea. You could select a charity based on your child’s interests and understanding. Some examples could be: food donations for a food bank (to feed hungry families), toys for donation to hospital (for sick children), dog food or other needed supplies for donation to pet shelters, etc. You could make suggestions for donations or people could donate a few dollars. You might even do an out-grown clothing / gently used toy drive for charity. I think most parents would find this refreshing! Go for it!
I love the idea too, we have had teddybear parties where they are asked to bring a new teddybear or stuffed animals for police to carry in their cars for kids in accidents- abuse circumstances, we also had one for a food bank and ended up having the garage full and them having to bring a truck but it was a neat idea. Kids need to learn to care for others- bravo to you for doing this.
My twins have a birthday right after Christmas and last year they were acutely aware of having so many THINGS after Christmas. With a lot of family discussion they decided to ask all their friends to bring new books to their birthday party that we donated to the local library. Everyone really got in the spirit and my kiddos got in the local paper to recognize their generosity. All the books were labeled with plaques that recognized the donation in their names. It was a wonderful experience all around. They were turning 6 when we did this. I’m not sure if 3 might be too young, but every child is unique, so maybe she’s ready? Good luck!!
I think this is a great idea but I wonder how much the young ones really understand about charity and donations. Possibly ask the family members to do the donations thing and let the friends bring gifts? I know my boys always enjoyed watching their friends open their gifts to them almost as much as the birthday child did by receiving the present.
I agree with Becky…I think that it would be cool to have either family or friends do the presents, and the other donate. Fun idea! I am glad that I am surrounded by smart people who dream this stuff up.
I love the idea…but I would have a few qualms about it. I would be afraid that that guests would feel awkward NOT bringing a gift for the birthday kid.
That being said, my 16th birthday WAS a \"charity party\". My twin sister and I invited about ten of our friends to meet us downtown, sans gifts, and we manned a soup truck for the night. (A family friend runs a charity…)My parents thought we were odd, but it was a fun night. Our friends felt a little awkward not bringing gifts…but we were 16, so it wasn\’t PARENTS feeling awkward, it was actually our friends, so they were able to get over it.
I just recently went to a 3 year old’s birthday party where the invite read – in lieu of gifts, please bring a gently used childrens book for exchange. Then, during the party, the hostess had everyone put the books in a big pile in the middle and went around, youngest to oldest, and had all the kids choose a new book to take home. Everyone felt special, no one had to buy a gift, and it was still fun! I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking people to NOT bring gifts. It’s your party!
I strongly disagree. A couple a days ago I read a post you had that talked about Over Parenting. I think this falls in that category. Another lame brain idea to push our children into adult thinking too soon.
Children are children for a short time. A very young child does not have the ability to even reason beyond himself. He is self centered. Terrible twos. By the time a child is 3… he just begins to recognize there is a world other than himself. It\’s not until a child reach the age about about 8 that he can really be held accountable. His reasoning is pretty much developed.
I know that the intention is to teach a child to share… not be selfish etc. Do it on a different day. Let his day be one of celebration and joy and gifts. We don\’t honor each other enough. On your child\’s day… he may not have the courage to stand up against such a \"lofty\" concept…. and would be made to feel wrong or shameful if he objected to the idea.
You can\’t tell me that in the child\’s heart he would not feel some resentment…. and sadness. It sound like the idea is to \"look\" good to friends rather than be concerned about the child.
Hey… better still… tell you hubby…\"On my birthday, and anniversary… let\’s find a charity for you to give my gift too. I need to learn to be more giving.\" See how many years he would offer to give you a gift… when he really wants to give is sweetie a gift from his heart.\"
If I were invited to the party… I would bring a gift for the child as well as contribute if that is what the parent wants. I would never deny the child the pleasure and the excitement of knowing he was loved on his special day.
Take a different day… not the child\’s birthday and make it a special time to teach the giving and sharing concept.
The magic of childhood is short… Please don\’t deny your child the magic of being a king or queen for a day.
I think it is a wonderful idea! I do like the idea of having a few gifts from family. That way the day is a bit special and different from others. I also think you can make a birthday special in ways other than gifts. A special breakfast, letting the child wear a special outfit, etc. Good luck with your decision!
I think Abby would really enjoy it. You have been teaching her well and I think with all of her background thus far, she would get a kick out of it. I think it’s a great idea. Definitely get her a few things she can keep, though.
A great time to teach children to be generous and think of others is when they are young. We develop habits of greed and needing more as we become self-focused. It would be fun to have themed parties. Ex: Pet party where guests are ask to donate pet food, toy, food bowls, etc. & donate to animal shelter. Or book party & guest asked to donate book to go to Women’s shelter for the kids there. All kinds of ideas. I wouldn’t be offended if my child was to be invited to that party. What a great way to get your child to look around her and see what needs are in the world.
I was totally for it because kids truly don’t need as many toys as they get at parties. THEN I read Insightful Nana’s comment. She makes some good points. It would be horrible if your child went along with it, but resented and even felt guilty for resenting.
But what about this…if the actual birthday DAY is spent opening presents from family. Then, the party is always on a different day and it is always a charity party- right from the beginning of childhood. That way, your child gets her special day on her birthday DAY and her birthday PARTY is always a fun day with a fun tradition.
You know, this is a little off of the topic, but when I was a child my parents explicitly put on party invitations “no gifts please”. They were always so tired of being obligated to bring a gift to every birthday party I was invited to.
With that said, there are so many opportunities to teach children to be charitable and to share. But charity should be a choice, not forced. Lead by example, and I’m sure your girls will follow. That’s a great expectation out of your sweet little girl.
I still remember the feeling of being special on my birthday…one of the very few days a year that I truly felt that way. I was an individual that others cared about. Though this sounds egocentric, the feeling came from the thought people put into my gifts. I realized I was more than just another person in the family and social group.
Though I love this idea, I believe that 3 may be too early to start. A 3 year old is just beginning to transition from the everything is “mine” stage. Perhaps this is a fantastic idea to start as your daughter nears her teenage years and can understand the concept more fully. Parting with newly given and loved toys might be a bit traumatic at this stage of development.
It sounds like the main problem is the large amounts of toys that are found around the house that mom and dad do not want. I am there! Instead of donating the new toys, gather up many of your gently used toys and have her pick which ones should be donated away. Still minimizing toy clutter but she keeps her new things. I also love the idea of a book swap. For my daughter’s first birthday we did a book party where all the adults (there are very few kids in the family) brought their favorite childs book. You can never have too many books!
Good luck! And let us know what you choose!
I’m “on the fence” about this topic.
On the one hand, it seems like a great idea. After all, giving to charity is a noble and worthy goal…and it’s nice to be able to teach your child to be generous.
On the other hand, I don’t like the idea of “telling” parents what to bring or asking for monetary donations…even if the “cause” is a good one.
Perhaps the best solution is to give away some of the “current” toys and clothes that your child has prior to or after the party – to eliminate the clutter and to share with other families.
I think the idea of telling what to bring as a gift or indicating that the gift brought will not go to the child, but to a chartity takes some of the joy out of the giving for your child’s guests.I would suggest that a better way to teach your child about giving would be to set a good example of doing so yourself. Bring your child with you when you donate to a local thrift shop; have your child help you to prepare a meal for someone who just had a baby or is sick and let them help you deliver the meal. Children learn so much more through example than they do through coersion. If you are concerned about the additional clutter that the gifts will bring into your home, I am sure that there are several things that your child no longer plays with that she would be happy to help you bag up for a local thrift shop or children’s charity.
Just my thoughts…
I agree with the post of let them have their day and not impose adult emotions on them . They do not rember parties and presents till after 5 . Then the parties stop around 10 so you get 5 times in your life when people come to celebrate yout day LET THEM BE KIDS!!!
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