Re-Run: Making Friends As a Grown Woman by *the* Jessica Lowe

September 12th, 2013 in About Me

We moved to a new place and even though it is only 10 minutes away from where we used to live before Costa Rica. I have found myself trying to be brave and make new friends all over again. So I pulled these posts to re-read and thought to myself, maybe everyone else would like to read them along again along with me! Enjoy! 

DO be friends with sexy flight attendants
because when you’re traveling home to TX from NC
and you’re all giddy from just having spent 11 days with your Lover
who had just been deployed for 7 months,
that sexy flight attendant WILL tell the pilot to make an announcement
over the intercom telling the ENTIRE flight about it.
awesome.

DON’T be friends with anyone who can’t appreciate
a good, thoughtful christmas present.
jerk.

DO be friends with anyone who likes
to workout with you and will overlook
your tomato red face and sweaty crotch
after each training session.

DON’T be friends with anyone who flirts with your Lover.
although, that narrows the friendship pool down to hardly
anyone because when your Lover looks as hot as MY Lover?
it’s almost hard NOT to accidentally flirt with him.
uhmm, YES.
he is making duck face.
he’s sexy and he knows it.

DO be friends with anyone who will tell you
HiLaRiOUsLy inappropriate stories about her husband’s past
and even post pictures of his gangster mexican phase
on your facebook wall.

DON’T be friends with anyone who is too embarrassed
to meet you and your mustache-a-wearin kids
at chick-fil-a for lunch.
cause sometimes, ya just wanna wear a mustache.

DO be friends with anyone who knows how to throw a party.
nothing. and i mean NOTHING.
is better than good food and silly games with friends.

DO be friends with people who have a lot of kids.
this way, they won’t notice your kids
behaving wretchedly horrid
because they’re too busy being watching their own.

DON’T be friends with anyone who won’t let you
pose them for a memorable picture.

DO be friends with anyone who will bring you bread
or any homemade goodness for that matter
when your house is falling apart with sick people.

DON’T be friends with anyone who takes life too seriously.
it never turns out pretty.

DO be friends with anyone who will appreciate
the “wooden whistle”
you brought them back as a souvenir
from your trip to san francisco.

DON’T be friends with anyone who won’t let you
take 724989238 million pictures together
until you get one that’s just. right.

DO be friends with anyone who isn’t ashamed to tell you
that you totally have a camel toe in those pants.

DON’T be friends with anyone whom you can’t
text pictures of your thrift store finds to.
that right there is a rare gem my friends.

DO be friends with anyone who looks hot
in an antique store mink stole.
only good things that come from that kinda power, people.

DON’T be friends with anyone who likes to send you
pictures of themselves when they used to be black
and then tells you to NEVER show anyone
or put them on your blog.
are you kidding me? do you even know who i am?

DO be friends with anyone who will take pictures of you
looking totally hardcore while getting a tattoo.
and just to be clear,
this is an example of “someone”
NOT looking totally hardcore.
no, it doesn’t hurt.

DO be friends with anyone who will run a muck
and act a fool with you in public.

DON’T be friends with anyone who has a hard time
being 100% honest.
even if it makes them sound like a total slut.
in a good way of course.

DO be friends with anyone who will buy you wax lips.
that’s an easy one.

DON’T be friends with anyone who isn’t on the same
nerdy internet level as you are.
it’s no fun making a hilarious honey badger joke
to someone whose never even heard of youtube.

and best for last…
DO.
lemme repeat myself.
DO. DO. DO.
be friends with your sisters.
period.
they’ll always love you
no matter what.
for more totally awesome blog posts,
come visit me on my own

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