When I was pregnant with Abby my doctor asked me why I wanted to start having children without any family around. I didn’t understand, my mom had five children around no family. Plus my mother was a great support from far away. I would call her and she would wait on the phone while I pulled the car over to retch on the side of the road. I would tell her, I remember you doing this when you were pregnant with the boys. And we would bond over our horrid horrid morning sickness experiences.
When I found out I was pregnant and the sweet woman I worked for told me I would want to be by my family when I had children–I didn’t get it. But we were poor and at 8 months pregnant we moved back to Utah. I had my first sweet baby doll and I was terrified when I was supposed to bring her home. I didn’t want to give her the first bath, I was scared to. So, I had my mother do it–and then it clicked, I got it. I did need someone, and it was my mom.
The same feeling came over me when my mother drove me home after having my second baby doll. The same feeling came over me when I didn’t have to worry about my sweet girls when I went into have baby doll #3 and #4. Also when I decided to move to another country during a difficult pregnancy. My mother was in the trenches of organizing, throwing away, selling—right along with me while I was pregnant and preparing to move far away. When I had my fourth baby doll and was not recovering like I had with the others, my mom became Shae’s go-to lady.
I got it, I got it a million times over– and I miss her. Utah was the place to have all my baby dolls. Utah was the place because my mother was there.
My mom came with me to Costa Rica and stayed a bit. When I dropped her off at the airport and we said goodbye she looked at me and said, “VANESSA YOU CAN DO IT” before she walked away. I told her Okay and then shut the door and bawled the whole long way home.
Love you mom, thank you for helping me bring all my baby girls into the world and for getting us here.