***I did all these things

You know when other moms say that soon you will get used to 2 kids or 3 kids? That it only takes some TIME? They are all lying when they tell you that about your 4th kid. Because it has been 18 months and my husband still gets texts like this:

I am pretty sure if you have more than four children and are doing it well that you are taking drugs and/or lying about it.

These are the things that have happened this week that I am not proud of:

• I had to do a midnight dumpster run because I forgot to take out the trash last week. Also while we are on the subject of trash, where we live there are strict HOA codes. I was not aware of the trash one. I was putting my trash cans out of view on the side of the house. I would always wonder where everyone else put theirs. They keep them all in their garages. So in this beautiful, classy neighborhood I want you to know everyone’s garages smell like poopy diapers and yucky seafood.* A secret spy took a picture of my trash cans and sent it into the HOA. Suffice to say I now have a stinky garage as well. Back to the midnight dumpster run, I kept my hoodie on and looked for cameras. The whole way home I daydreamed about how my family would do with me in jail. I came to the conclusion that no one would survive, I coddle everyone around here.
• When I take my minivan into the cleaners for a mini detail every week I pretend it is not mine. When the cleaners give me the stink eye through the class in the waiting room I point to another car with my kids. I also do not stand up when the call my car’s make and model. I silently exit when I notice my car is done and has been parked in the waiting area for awhile. I do not think this does anything, they always know it is my van.
• I hosted with my sweet friend a Favorite Things party. It was such fun, everyone brought their 3 favorite things. Then I did a game to get to know each other and trade. I had my eye on a bag I really wanted and finally got it in my possession. I pretended that I did not hear a question to keep the bag. Every time I put on that fabulous looking nail polish from the bag I will feel guilty.**
• This house was not made for my family, it is too small and not designed well. I spend forever cleaning and it is never clean. I am watching a couple extra kids for a few days this weekend. I will not spend any extra time cleaning it before they come. Then 8 hours after they leave I have a team of 3 cleaners coming for 5 hours to fix this place up. I will try to pretend like it is not my house like with the minivan. But I have a feeling it will not work.
• Winter is getting the best of me and I am not getting out like I should. We opened a location with our business and my to do list is miles long. Instead I cope by scrolling Facebook and Instagram all day long. I am wasting an incredible amount of time and getting on everyone’s nerves. I need an intervention. (To be fair, I do DO a lot of work too. But I am also wasting time, take my smart phone away.)

That is all.

I didn’t mean it about the lying/drugs. I am sure you all are doing everything fabulously.

And you most definetaly did not throw a nutrigrain bar and cheese stick at your kids’ heads for dinner. Neither did I.***

 

* OK, FINE just my garage smells like that, I’m projecting. And in all sincerity, I adore this neighborhood. Honestly, I do, it feels so nice. So many sweet people.

**Actually, I don’t feel guilty at all.

***I did, I really did that.

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