love of local in Utah
How Do You Make Friends as a Grown Woman?
I fibbed a bit in my *ahem* lazy 2011 recap post. I actually do have quite a large goal for 2012, and next week I have a handful of wonderful women helping me out with my quest.
From my “advanced screening” of their posts, I already know I will owe them a lifetime worth of thanks. This is something I have had a hard time with since we started moving around when I was 12 years old — so for 16 years now. And along with surfing, this is something I have really wanted. By the time I turn 30 I want to…
Learn to Make Friends as a Grown Woman
I am one who should really, really know how to do something basic like this! Someone who, after moving so much as a teenager and in my 20s, should really have it down pat! But I do not! I still remember the one day after school when my mom came to pick me up at yet another new high school and I just lay down in the back and sobbed. I told my mother all I really wanted was some… friends.
Honestly you guys… I really am not so good at it. I will get so down about it and feeling sorry for myself that I won’t notice the sweet people around me reaching out and *trying* to be my friend. Then I will get over myself and get back to work reaching out to people, but I think my approach has just been terribly wrong for years. I have a very hard time with simple things like how to make a good first impression, how to put myself out there and how to develop relationships past the acquaintance phase. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but I am on a mission to learn how to reach out, make, develop and even take advantage of those trying to become friends with me.
I don’t have cousins my age, don’t have friends from high school days (I went to four different high schools), no college friends (got married at 19 and moved back east with my husband), no newly married friends — and other than a couple of wonderful women, I don’t have many deep friendships from the blogging world. I am working on neighborhood and church friends, and am excited to report already that I am already making some sweet friends in those two groups. Also, I do have to note — thank goodness for my mom and sisters (wish my sisters lived close though!). Don’t want to get in trouble with anyone.
You know though, I have felt proud at my attitude for the past couple of weeks with this. No need to feel like a failure or feel sorry for myself. I am just ready to get to work and already have been.
So like I was saying, I have asked just a handful of women that have a wonderful way with words to share with us (let’s be honest, mainly me) how to…
MAKE FRIENDS AS A GROWN WOMAN.
Please, please stay tuned and participate in the comments. I would love to hear from many of you!
THE POSTS START MONDAY AND RUN THE WHOLE WEEK. SEE YOU THEN.
You know, I actually mentioned you in a comment today, on another blog about something similar. Not your name, but you in general.
When we emailed about FB, I was surprised! You are a blogging superstar goddess, and all of us Sassies adore you. So I was surprised to hear that you were having a hard time with this.
I realized it’s been a while since I’ve really *had* to make new girlfriends. I have met great friends through blogging, but I think it’s much easier to become friends when you have developed an online relationship, than just meeting someone completely new, like at church or in the neighborhood.
I still don’t have any friends in church. The women are all very nice, but I haven’t attended any activities yet, so I haven’t gotten to know anyone.
I am excited to see you tomorrow!
Oooh, I am excited to read. You probably already know how I feel, but I consider you a BFF. I don’t have many, and I think I have a hard time putting myself out there in a church/neighborhood situation. I still haven’t figured out why, but I am a complete fish out of water in front of some women.
I love you. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to move that much and never make any close friends. Of course, most of my BFFs from high school are merely contacts on my FB page and Christmas cards every year. My best girlfriends are the ones I made in college and later. But it’s not easy. We women seem to have issues when it comes to making friends as grown women. Why can’t it be as easy as when we were like 3 and 4 when all it took was a couple Barbies and a tea set?
P.S. I love you. Wait, did I already say that?
P.P.S. I can’t wait to read this week’s features! What a great idea!!!
You know, I thought we were getting pretty close there for a while and then I had that issue about 3 years ago and I think it freaked you out.
What I really want to know is “How to make friends as a mother when you are crass and have a tendency to scare other people away”
I totally empathise with this post.
I lost touch with a lot of my school/college friends when I had my son, they’re all still out partying and indulging in relationship dramas! Then nearly two years ago I moved 120m away to a city I had never been to before, and didn’t know anyone except my husband. I was lucky that my son was young and having kids the same age is a decent conversation starter – but then like the above commenter, I have a tendency to scare people away too (accidentally mentioning the organic baby food all the kids are hooked on might have crack in it, for example)
It’s not easy it’s ok if you have bad weeks. But it feels good when someone calls you to do something! You always do that for me!
I think of you as a wonderful, giving person. I love your serendipity personality. I have always noticed how people were drawn to you. I wonder what your definition of a friend is as I have always thought of you as having lots of friends. I would like to think we are friends. In my wise
old age I have come to understand there are different definitions to what a friend is so that sometimes we have friends and don’t realize it because our definition is different than theirs. I like this theme for this week because I think all the comments and advice help us be BETTER friends.
Thank you for posting this series!! I didn’t realize how much I needed it! It’s been extremely helpful already…and I’m excited to put some of these ideas into practice!!