love of local in Utah
Currently Stressing Over This Dilemma
Soccer, dance, theatre, tennis, T-ball, singing class, horseback riding, swimming, summer science camp and everything else under the moon.
All of these things are such fun, all of them cost money, all of them take time away from the family, all of them promote growth, self-esteem, new relationships and might become *the* thing that my girls find that they absolutely love.
It is also the thing that I am currently over-examining and stressing about.
How do you not overwhelm your kids with all these activities? How do you provide them with a taste of a good number of activities so they can chose which one they want to pursue?
I love that my kids learn from other adults, bond with other children, learn a new skill, gain confidence by hitting a ball or singing a song or doing a dance.
But when is it too much? When does it reach the point where they aren’t bonding with their parents or siblings because they are way too busy with everyone else?
I don’t see any way that my girls can go to public school from 8:30am to 4pm, have these fun activities and even have time to breathe. This is one of the big reasons I am considering homeschooling or a private tutor. Why does school have to be 7 hours long for a little 6 year old? Just doesn’t seem normal…even though it is I guess.
How do you do it? How do you balance it all?
Help this mama out.
Tags: help
I only have one kid old enough to be in school & activities. What we decided to do is let her be involved with one extra-curricular at a time. Time at home is most important.
We pick one thing per season, if they want to keep doing the activity longer, great! If not, that’s fine, they get to pick something new.
This spring my son was in 2 activities. He had T-ball, and hockey. Its too much, he didn’t like the ALWAYS going so we dropped one.
You have to listen to the child, some thrive on activities, some would rather be at home doing things there.
Oh Vanessa, welcome to my night terror. We planned on doing only one extra at a time, but soccer and baseball overlap three weeks and he apparently has to do both.
I say rotate them through over the first few years (with the exception of an instrument which I think is critical to their development and eternal happiness). We start swimming as soon as sports are done, so they won’t drown. Other than that, I’m not putting June in any kind of dance until she’s six, and next year we’re making Harrison choose one sport.
I hate it, it all gives me anxiety. I say unless your kid is begging for something, you don’t need to go there to make them well-rounded, they can get that from home and family time spent at the park. I’m teaching my kids singing one sneaky lesson at a time, Jason is working with Harry on Tennis this summer, you get my drift. Make these skills you teach them whenever possible, especially utilizing family time. That’s our plan.
I’ve often asked myself the same question. My husband thinks the girls are involved in too much, but when we talk to them about quitting one of their activities the go on and on about how much they love what they are doing and actually want to add more. Sometimes I have to say “enough is enough”.
We just try really hard to make sure their time at home is spent making memories or learning from us.
And one day, if they decide to quit, I can be happy that it was their decision not mine.
I guess I am kindof “crazy” but we decided to homeschool our 4 year old before she was even born and this was one very big reason why. We own a martial arts studio, so I know 1st hand that you can make a good living doing something that you love. Others may feel like it is just a hobby, but never underestimate the fact that it IS a huge part of their education. Because we are homeschooling our daughter she is now involved with: taekwondo, gymnastics, and piano, and soon ballet. Scheduling hasn’t been a problem at all and we still spend a large percentage of time as a family. She is also 1 to 2 grade levels above where she “needs” to be. Best of luck with your dilema, just remember there isn’t just 1 right way to do things, there is only the right way for YOUR family!
I love Annie’s answer.
This is a really hard one for us too, especially when the child wants to do EVERYTHING! I try to limit my kids to one form of exercise (dance, soccer, swimming, etc.) at a time and some type of music. From a singing perspective, if you don’t have the right teacher your child can permantly damage their voice, children’s choirs are fine but don’t get private lessons until they are 15 or 16. Teach them to read music first and sing songs with them at home. I get frustrated with the schools schedule too, it is very hard to balance school work with extra-curricular activities and playing with friends. I have thought of home school a few times, but I’ve decided that it’s more important for them to be around other children and have the social part of school. I really respect women who do a good job at homeschooling, but my children really love going to school, I fell like I would be robbing them without it. You would be a good teacher though, go on your own inspiration!
This is such a good question, and I think it’s good that you’re thinking about it seriously. I think doing one thing at a time is a good idea, and I do think that it’s important to let kids try a lot of different activities.
I remember back to my childhood, and all 6 of us were involved in lots of different things and I loved it. IT wasn’t too much for me, so I think you have to go with what each individual child is comfortable with.
I also think it’s important for the whole family to support each child in their activities too, so time at a child’s performance or game can be a family activity.
My oldest is only 3 so we don’t have to worry about this yet, but it’s good to start thinking. Good luck figuring it all out – whatever you decide, I’m sure it will be what’s best for your individual children and family.
Vanessa, this is my personal opinion, and have had this discussion with my husband.
I will start out by saying that home schooling is NOT for me. I am not the disciplined myself, and I LOVED going to school. Yes the days were long, but the education is free, and actually quite good these days…but I don’t remember loathing it. I loved to go and see my friends and as a mother, I will miss my kids when they are gone the entire day, but I know they will be in capable hands.
I decided to put my kids in extra curricular activities when they were 4. Joth does Karate and Emm does Dance. I would love for them to learn a musical instrument. We have chosen piano for our kids and luckily most teachers don’t start that until they are 7. The good thing about karate and piano lessons is that they are early enough in the afternoon that my kids can still be home around dinner time and have wind down time before bed. I think that anything that takes your kids away from home more than twice a week is just not fair and way too much.
I will be putting them both in swimming lessons again this year, as I do every summer, but they both have more time as they are out of school.
I have loved year around school for this reason…it gives me time with my boy, but also time away. We feel a good balance.
Good luck in your choice.
xoxo
We decided that our kids will be involved in one activity that involves being physically active and one activity that involves expressing themselves creatively. Interestingly enough, sometimes these intersect (ie, dance). We also have some things upon which we insist: Learning how to swim is a big one, and I’m not going to let them quit piano/music lessons just because they’re embarrassed that they didn’t practice as much as they should have.
As for extras, as they get older, we discuss what it will mean for them, and for our family. A prime example is our oldest daughter, who is on a competitive dance team: 2 years ago she danced in Stadium of Fire, and when it was all over she said she never wanted to do that again. Well, this year she wanted to do it again. We reviewed what it means to commit to something like that, and told her that if she wanted to do it, and not complain about it, we’d pay for her to do it. Also for her, fifth grade week-long summer camp conflicts with Stadium of Fire rehearsals, so we asked her how she planned on dealing with it. After careful consideration and planning, she (not I nor my husband) made special arrangements with the dance studio owner to have make-up classes to learn what she missed from the dance routine when she returns from camp.
Take it one step at a time, one kid at a time. Set your own limits and expectations, and give them choices.
It is so crazy how the media and the “experts” tell us what is best for our children. That if they are going to be the next “someone” we have to have them in that activity at a very early age. Then it seems to be ground into them until they don’t enjoy the activity anymore. I say ignore what everyone else is saying and listen to one person – your child.
As parents we are entrusted with these lives to GUIDE them into who they become, not make them who we think they should be. I have always listened to my children, and not just what comes out of their mouths. If they are telling me they want an activity I show them the options that are available within our finances, time schedule, and our ability to commit to the activity. If they want more than one activity and it fits into our lives we go for it. Once doing the activities I then listen to the kids to see if they are enjoying it. I take note if they are too tired or loose interest. We talk about the activities and whether it is the right fit for who they are. If it is something they are not into I do make them finish the commitment as that is an important lesson to learn as well.
As far as fitting in the family time with the school and with the activities, we as parents try to become as involved as we can. My kids love to see dad out on the field as coach or me helping out in the class room at school.To me nothing is more important than my kids and I allow their interests to become my interests and we then get to share something in common. I also schedule time that can not be interfered with to spend with just my kids doing nothing but fun play.
Don’t get me wrong – My life certainly isn’t stress free. The minor panic attack I think I had earlier this week would suggest it is just as stressful. There are times, like now when end of year performances and tests and final games comes to a head and seem to be all happening at once. I know it is temporary, I talk with my kids about it being temporary and they learn how to multi task and deal with stress in a healthy environment and in a healthy way – Something I know they will need the tools for to help them in the future.
Really, I think it just boils down to listening to your kids and let them tell you what is best for them, and then guide them into who they will become. Some kids want multiple activities and can handle it, other can only handle one. Let them tell you what kind of child they are and then encourage them all the way.
Oh my… you are asking the wrong person. And by that I mean if you saw my current evening schedule of activities for my boys you may pass out. And they only have karate and baseball. I cannot imagine throwing anything else in there. But I can say that the boys seem to handle it well. It is me that is running around like crazy. The kids always find time to fit in things they love like bike riding with friends, making Bakugan videos, and fitting in a little computer time. I think as parents we may lose that ability to take our free moments and just enjoy them.
But honestly, we keep it to 1 year round activity (karate) and then one non overlapping season activity like baseball and basketball.
It seems to me that when you have to ask yourself if you are doing too much, you most likely are. There is way more activities that we and our children can be involved in than there is time or energy or even money. We found it always helped to sit down as a couple, discuss our priorities and things just seemed to make sense and fall into place. Good luck
Hey Vanessa,
With our boys we keep it to one sport at a time and piano. We started them in soccer, basketball, and baseball thinking they would choose which one/s they liked best, but so far they all like them all! They do overlap sometimes as one is ending and the other beginning. We take the summer off of sports to more family stuff like swimming, rafting, beach, and vacations. If I had any advice it would be looking at the long term commitment such as baseball games getting LONGER and LONGER as they get older or gymnastics sometimes can be a huge time committment and maybe go for the ones that won’t be so time consuming. We also support the church activities such as scouts and recently Ethan decided to be in the school play which just about put me over the edge, but we have found that generally one sport and one instrument works for us.
I haven’t read everything that everyone else has written, so sorry if this is a duplicate.
Like Steph – I am not the perfect person to ask, I don’t have kids old enough to be in school. But I do have some opinions and goals I have set for our family.
First about homeschooling – I have not been trained for 4 years on the best way to teach my kids the things they need to learn. I will leave that to the Elementary Ed majors. They are much more capable than me. Plus, I think kids need the social interaction of school – private or public. Remember that the teachers are smart – they aren’t going to have your 7 year old sit at a desk for 6 hours. THey play, eat, games, activities, etc.
As far as time – I don’t think you need to let your daughters do every activity all at once to see what they like best. I say do one, maybe two, activities at a time then if they dont’ like it – move on to another. I think kids need time to play, imagine, relax. I don’t think we need to schedule every second of their day. They need time to explore and let their mind grow – if we are filling it with extra curricular activities, when will they have time for that?
Hope this is helpful and doesn’t seem overzealous.
Good question, Vanessa.
Our rule is one sport and one musical instrument per season (and we take the summer off from the sport).
I think you also have to take into account the child’s personality. We have had my daughter in dance since she was four, but she has been begging not to do it anymore. So we’re going to be done with dance for awhile. If she wants to start it up again or try something else in the future, great. If she’d rather stay home and play with her friends and sister (which is what she always begs to do), that’s great too.
Hope that helps.
I also love Annie’s response and Linda’s (if you’re questioning if you’re doing to much then you probably are). And like others have replied, I like the one musical instrument (or creative outlet like art) and one physical activity, no more.
I actually wrote about this on Rocky Mountain Moms Blog: http://www.rockymountainmomsblog.com/2010/01/im-a-chronic-underscheduler.html We need to let our kids have time to be kids and enjoy unstructured imaginative/active play. They don’t have to be involved in classes to bond with adults and other kids. They can do that at family get-together and play dates. And like another person said, if they don’t like an activity, try something new when that one is over.
And as far as school goes, you shouldn’t be surprised home schooling is NOT my thing. I loved public school and my girls have a wonderful elementary school in our neighborhood. Perhaps if I worried about the quality of their education I might think about homeschooling, but it would have to be a pretty ghetto school!
My personal philosophy is thussly:
2 activities maximum per quarter. One music, one active.
Above and beyond that it’s too much for all of us to handle.
When my first kiddos were younger I relished putting them in a lot of activities because I really enjoyed it. I don’t doubt that they enjoyed some parts of it as well. Of course, now that baby #7 is on the way, there isn’t time for every child to be involved in everything. Now my standard is one physical activity and music lessons. As part of our homeschool I am happy for children to participate in “academic” clubs. I feel fortunate that I’ve always been able to recognize when too much is too much and I pull back.
Sometimes people ask me “How do you do it? I could never homeschool my kids”. I respond, “How can you handle the schedule of a family and a full school day.
I do love the activities that the kids are involved in– dance, taekwondo, softball, violin, piano, bookclubs, science clubs, lego league. I love home schooling, but we’d go nuts if we were home ALL the time. If the kids were away in school all day I would NOT have them involved in anything else, because there HAS to be family time. Even still, if we’ve had a lot of time playing with friends sometimes the kids start behaving unkindly to each other and we have to declare “no friend days”. Then we can reconnect on our core family level and then go outward again.
I very much understand your concerns at this point. This was a very trying time for me when I was first trying to decide what to do with Clark. Of course you can change course, but it is nice to have a vision of what you want from the beginning. Good luck!
This year has been a doozey for us with just homework, and it’s just 1st grade. I’ve struggled with what to have my daughter do this year as far as afterschool activities, but I think it’s important to just let kids be kids. Once homework is done, she has about 2 hours to play with friends. Next year will be a lot more busy, but this year was about figuring out how a full day at school plus homework would be like.
Good luck with your decisions.
This is a hard question. I always wonder this myself but am going to try to stick to one sport and one musical thing per season. I think that is most manageable for kids AND for me! You still want it to be fun for them and not a drag.
Maybe you can ask them which ones are their favorite and maybe pick 2 that they can do per semester. I think its amazing that you have them in those things. You never know what a child will be good at until they try it. And now you know, and they know what they really enjoy and what they shine at.
Let us know what you decide! xoxo
One of the reasons I homeschool is because I too can not see why a child needs to be in school for 6 hours. It takes us much less time to do our school work at home. No homework to do after the 6 hours and plenty of time to do the dance, music sports and other interests. They become a part of their school day. Plus, our schedules are always flexible to go on a trip or decide to have a field day if something comes up.
Balance and Timing. IT seems at times your family can handle more and then at times it’s too much. Job changes or new babies or family needs can change your time quickly. You can not do everything. Sometimes you need to experiment and find out what your child enjoys sports, dance, music. If your child is loving it then it seems worth all the time you spend supporting them. I feel there still needs to be time for family that is relaxed and not limited by having to be somewhere! Also, talk with you husband and plan out what is most important. What extra activities will help your child the most – help their self-esteem grow.
Thank you all for your help!!
Hannah–Ditto Time at Home is Most Important.
Alex–Good point, every kid is different, love the listening part.
Annie–Yes night terror indeed, it is driving me batty.
Amy–My husband I think would be happy if they didn’t do ANYTHING!
Gabrielle–Yes we do the same thing make a living with our “hobbies” it is the best
Kim–I know my oldest is going to LOVE the social she already does. So confusing.
Kelsey–Yes love that it is important that everyone supports everyone else’s fun stuff
Kimmie–You need to talk to me more about year round school, thats what is near us and I am not excited, you will have to convert me over
Jenny–I love that something active and something that inspires. Love that “formula”
Alysa–Yes this guiding has me stressed, I just don’t want to screw it up. You are such a good mama and have the sweetest kids, I’ll just follow what you do
Steph–But baseball is the best!
Love those games
Linda–Well we haven’t gotten to that point yet but I worry about it, hence the question.
Rochelle–Love the idea of summers off! I want to do that.
Sarah–Ok I can’t agree with the “I have not been trained for 4 years on the best way to teach my kids the things they need to learn. I will leave that to the Elementary Ed majors. They are much more capable than me.” Will you still love me? I hope so! But I think there are wonderful teachers out there…and some not so wonderful teachers. I don’t think they all do a great job. Is that horrible? Yes kids need time to RELAX poor over stressed kids
Emily–Great point, take into thought the child’s personality.
Emily H.–YES I loved that post! I think though with schools there can be a horrible school that isn’t ghetto at all. So nervous about this!!
Alison–Yes that seems to be what lots of people are saying, great great tip.
Betsy–Oh!! fabulous idea “no friend days” when we need to bond, love it.
Kami–first grade is a hard one!My mom remembers that about us!
Alexa–Letting them pick, yes need to remember that for sure
April–The flexible schedule is so appealing!
Sharon–Oh no now I have to ask Tyler too lol
It appears I have come late to the convo. I love reading everyone’s responses. You know that we just let Savannah do one thing, which she loves. We will do swimming too, but that it’s. If she wants to try something else she will have to give up her Tae Kwon Do, and I don’t think that will happen for some time.
I hear you, as a parent you want your child to experience everything but you also want to make sure they are not over scheduled! I have learned to pick and choose, but my daughter is only 7 at the moment! She does Soccer in Fall time and we do Girl Scouts all year round. At some point she wants dance classes, but they are expensive so not sure I will sign her up unless her Dad does and it won’t conflict with another activity.
Right now she has Girl Scouts 1 night, Reading Buddies afterschool one night and then in the Fall two nights a week Soccer which at that time there is no reading buddies.
We try to make sure she isn’t doing more than one activity at a time. So she wouldn’t play soccer and then do another dance class while soccer is in session, get what I am saying?
Maybe that’s the best way, to try to let them do more, but create a way so that they are only trying on activity at a time? Maybe … good luck!
My girls are 1 and 3 – still a bit young for structured “activities.” That said, I think I’ll keep them to a minimum as they grow older. I’ll let their interests take the lead, of course, but…I think it’s important for kids to have plenty of “unstructured” time too. It’s equally – if not even more – beneficial.
Also: we’re planning to homeschool.
Wow! What wonderful responses….just what I needed, too! I have also been have this conversation with my hubbs. We have been trying all sorts of different activities with Grayson. He has tried basketball, rock climbing, golfing, and swimming. Alora is currently in dance and swimming. I think we are at the point of learning what he likes and doesn’t. (He is DEFINITELY not a rock climber!) I also just want to give my children the basic skills in a variety of areas so he will be well rounded as a teenager and play anything recreationally, if not competitively.
Some day we will get a nice big piano and throw that in the mix, too! We have decided that due to finances, that will wait another two years, though. We did buy Grayson some drums and a percussion set and let the kids just have some crazy fun with them!
I’m a little late to this party, but let me tell ya, from personal experience, not with kids, but as a child. My parents only let me and my sister do one thing at a time. So, I’m not a professional ballerina after one year; not a professional gymnast after one year; not a professional swimmer, violin player, piano player.
But let me tell you! Neither are my friends. I had a dear friend who went to 4 hours of ballet classes a week. Do you know what she is now? A teacher who has slightly graceful movements in her hand motions while writing on the chalkboard. I have a friend who practiced 2 hours on the violin each night. Know what she is now? An administrator at her church. I have a friend who was on the swim team each night after school until bedtime. Know what she is now? I technology coordinator for a non-profit company. She sees those swim team friends once each 10 years, and occasionally swims when she and her family go on vacation.
The point is, these things SEEM like an important and integral part of childhood, but the most important thing, as it is in any stage of life, is people. I spent a reasonable amount of time with my family, eating meals at the table, playing games, reading, watching movies. Know what I am now? Extremely close to the only people that really matter.