love of local in Utah
Birthday Party HELP NEEDED
Alright guys. I need help. This birthday party business just stresses me out. Not the cake, games, presents, tons of kids in my house, decorations, etc. I love that part!
THE INVITING.
That is the part I don’t love at all.
Abby and I sat down to write down all of her friends — church friends, school friends, neighborhood friends, cousins and a few family friends. Boy oh boy, was it a lot.
Here is the problem: Abby and I are the same in many ways. We over-worry about people’s feelings. “Mom, she HAS to come — don’t you remember she invited me to her party last summer?” “Mom, but they walk home together from school; this one will know that I didn’t invite her if I invite the other one!”
Then I say, “Oh those two moms are best friends and talk to each other all day. This one will know if the other one is not invited.” “Everyone lives right next to each other! They will see all the cars and people at our house and be hurt!” “I know that this mom has been feeling left out lately. I wouldn’t want to further offend her by not inviting her kid to a party that everyone else is attending.”
See? We have a problem.
30 kids is the number. And that isn’t with class friends (because I don’t think they will ever find out because they don’t live in our neighborhood or hang out with the ladies around here). Class friends got axed first (other than the ones that live in the neighborhood — oh great, I guess class friends WILL get their feelings hurt!).
30 is too large of a number right now. I can’t do 30.
You know what I want to do? I want to just invite Abby’s friends who… you know, SHE IS FRIENDS WITH. The ones who call us back even once or twice a year to come play at their house! The ones who would be excited to see her if they saw her out and about. The ones she actually plays with! The ones who are sweet and don’t hurt her feelings. The ones with nice moms who invite Abby to play at their house too. The ones who Abby says are her “best friends” and asks to play with all week long. The ones who don’t just randomly invite her to their birthday party once year and that’s the only time they hang out the whole year. I mean real friends.
Tell me what to do; I need help.
What do you do in your house?
P.S. Don’t tell me that THIS is why you don’t do parties. We adore doing parties; it is a highlight of our year. We have many changes coming up in our girls’ lives at the end of the year so I really want to plan a fun birthday party with them this year. No giving me a hard time — just please HELP!
Stop feeling like you need to apologise to the world and invite her real friends.
It’s her day. The ones that matter are the ones you’ve mentioned – they call, they play, they don’t hurt her feelings.
You don’t owe anyone any explanation and the class peers that aren’t invited may or may not find out about her party. So what? Teach her to say “I just had a small party this year, but maybe you can come over and play”. Frankly if they want to be treated like a friend they need to act like a friend.
<3
Loved mintie’s comment.
You know how I am with having parties…but this is how I did it.
I set a number that was comfortable to me. I let Savannah decide who. Sure she wanted to invite more, but I set the number…it was all I could handle.
True friends won’t get their feelings hurt, or make you feel bad. Savannah loves Abby, and that won’t change if she doesn’t come to the party….they will play and be friends regardless.
I stress about it too Vanessa! This year I am letting my girls pick only 5 friends for a small party since we will be on a super fun vacation for each of their birthdays.
My daughters have the same pool of friends but have yet to invite the same girls to a party. At first it stressed me out, but my Zoe said to me one day “Mom, that girl is really just a friend to Mattie. I want to invite someone who wants to be with ME!” That was enough for me.
I choose to not stress (as much) about it anymore. Maybe not inviting a few people will help weed out the annual friends vs. the every day friends. Just invite the real friends. You will never regret that kind of party!
I was about to say something about parties but you nipped it in the bud before I could.
I think mintie’s comment was perfect. Set a number and then let Abby decide who should come–her bestest, most cherished friends her love her just the same in return.
Hurrah! Your sweet friends have great answers. Set a number you can handle and let Abby choose who will come – she has some time to decide. Then she can blame her mom for setting the limit. And great answer from Mintie about inviting the ones that are disappointed over another time.
I’ve heard to invite as many people as the age they are turning that year. Maybe that that will help give you a #.