Baby Doll #4 at 10 weeks

Sweet baby doll #4…oh this poor poor baby. My Reagan Jo Brown gets attention from me after the girls go to bed and during nap time/quiet time. I hold her the whole time they are napping/resting to make up for her neglect during the rest of the day. At night I swaddle her up and before Tyler falls asleep I put her right next to me. I have co–slept with all my babies just for their first couple months but this time it is different. This time I feel if I didn’t do it, I don’t know when she would get time just for her.

Man, this whole motherhood thing carries a lot of guilt. And at least for me it seems the drudge of guilt gets deeper and deeper with every child.

I can tell myself that all of the smiles her sisters get from her, all the attention she gets from them, makes up for not enough attention from me. But I don’t believe it. I wish my poor baby doll had a mom who could juggle everything better.

Lets see, sweet Reagan, coos, smiles, makes noises, rolls over, likes tummy time, holds her head up fantastically. I have no idea how much she weighs or how long she is–but she seems good to me. And all the Costa Rican ladies tell me she is very big for 2 months and that she is freezing. They ask me, “Where are her pants?” and tell me “Her feet, they are freezing!” I want to tell them, “Do you realize where you live, I am trying to keep the poor kid from overheating!” But instead I just say, “Ok, ok, thankyou” with a big smile. She also gets held a lot over here by the sweet women, I always say yes yes when they ask to hold her. I don’t think my old self would have done this (too worried about germs or this or that) but now I just hand the poor kid over.

She was a jaundiced baby so I thought that is why her skin tone was darker. But that went away and she just has olive skin. My beautiful sister Laura had a skin tone like that when she was little and I think one of my husband’s brothers do too. It is so pretty with her big blue eyes. Her hair I don’t think has shown it’s true color yet. She could be like Cameron and it could change to a toe-head by 6 months, or be more like Shae (a golden brown). I don’t know who she looks like–all my girls look like sisters but look so different too. People say she looks like her Daddy and also her sister Cameron (who looks JUST like her daddy did as a little boy) so maybe she will resemble them more. Who knows, who knows.

What I do know is that I just love her and wish I could spoil her rotten. But the poor fourth kid doesn’t have that in the cards. I hope she does know we sure do love her.

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