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A Mother’s Book of Secrets Discussion Part 1 of 5
Like I said we are meeting here every Monday to discuss the book A Mother’s Book of Secrets by Linda Eyre & Shawni Eyre Pothier. Because I was in real need of a “Mothering Pick Me Up” and this is already helping me out quite a bit.
You really don’t have to be reading the book along with us to participate in the conversation, I am sure these are points that you already know tons about as a mother. So please join on in. I will start off with some of the points that stood out to me, quotes I loved, things I need to work on, and goals I have made.
Section 1 Key Points: This section to me was helping me to answer the question of how can I “live in the trenches” or in the moments of motherhood in a way that I can survive, that I can enjoy, that I can look back on and be proud of myself, and that can help me raise some pretty great kiddos. I loved how the book actually helped me write a list of applicable things, that it didn’t just have a nice thought, that it helped you know what you can actually *DO* to accomplish this. And some of these I just thought of myself while reading the section, so no not all of these were in the book.
- Sit down and PLAY! Stop with your to do list and get on the floor and play legos, do the puzzle, have a pillow fight. Whatever your kids want to play take time to sit down with them and play. I have little kids so all my examples relate to that age.
- Stay HOME! I wish I could find who originally said this but I read somewhere a few weeks ago that one of the “secrets” to spending less money, spending more time with the kids, having a more balanced home life is to…STAY HOME. Now that doesn’t mean you need to be a stay at home mom or anything. I mean just to stop having so many errands, places to go (because we all know if we are being honest some of them are un-needed) and stay home. If that is after work, or if you are a stay at home mom, just to be careful with the time you spend on errands.
- Keeping Little Promises. If I tell Abby, “I am busy with dinner right now, but I can read you a book right before bed.” then I need to keep that promise. Or if I tell Cameron that, “Mom will play that game with you later!” to actually pull out the game and play it, even if she forgets. Some days are crazy and things happen—but a lot of the days, I know I can keep the little promises.
- LOOK. Watch them play, play with them, talk to them, listen to them when they talk and LOOK at them. Look into their eyes and see their excitement, watch their reactions, and it will make you fall in love with them even more every day.
- I enjoyed when Linda (the grandmother/mother in the book) said this, “…some days “motherhood is like being pecked to death by a duck” (an anonymous quote my sister has hanging in her hall), but the secret is that eventually your efforts will start to count. Sooner than you can realize now, you’ll be watching your children having children and will be amazed at how much better they are than you were and that somewhere, somehow, you must have done something good!” The duck part made me laugh and the realizing your efforts are going to count made me tear up!
- Imagination. Find your own way to be imaginative and fun with your kiddos, my husband has had to learn this! I can sit down and think out this whole pet shoppe plan, play for a long time, the kids are so into it. My husband looks at me and cannot comprehend how I can do that. But you know what he can do? Tell the best stories, have the best pillow fights, make the COOLEST secret dens with all the pillow and blankets in the house. Find your own way.
- Refiners Fire. I think I should read this section every week to myself, that right now I am in the refiners fire, hopefully I come out looking pretty great. Someone explain her point better than I did with this!
- Everyday Moments. They are beautiful, they are what make up our lives, they are so important. Cherish them and realize they are what make up your life.
- 3 Things on Your To Do List. She suggests since some days your to do lists don’t get done because life happens…to on your planner put three things up on the top. #1 What you can do for yourself that day (even if it is only 5 minutes), #2 What you can do for someone in your family that day #3 What you can do for someone out in the world today. I like that, that would help me feel connected to myself and the world out there!
- Enough is Enough. Don’t jam pack the schedule, be careful with what you sign your kids up for and realize they need unstructured play time.
- Family Prayer. Your children will find security in this time together, even if they are whining about it some days, they will think back to it and it will bring feelings of security and warmth.
- PRAY ALL DAY LONG!! As the Mom to God…pray all day long!
Goals:
- Keep little promises to the girls, keep cell phone downstairs more so I interact better when I am playing with them, and start doing the 3 things at the top of my to do list. Also to watch myself this summer, to not plan too many things and over schedule.
What about you what points stood out to you? What quotes did you love? What new goals do you have? Etc?
P.S. See you next Monday to discuss Part 2 of 5!
Just read the first section and already I am in love with this book. Yes most of the advice so far seems very simple—yet when you are in the thick of it you don’t really think about these simple things. The message that I took home the most was the need to simplify and to just simply ENJOY the moments of being a mother with yound crazt children. We have all heard it will be over before we know it but we need to remember to actually STOP and play, relax, and enjoy the moments of motherhood. This is what I will try to do this week!
I really like the point of view behind this book, that motherhood can and should be enjoyed. So as I was reading it I found myself wondering, “so if I believe this, why am I not living like motherhood is so enjoyable?” I think it’s easy to get bogged down by the mundane aspects of the day that I can get in a rut of not enjoying what I am doing. I really like the thought of serendipity: looking for something good in the day while continuing on as you normally would. It’s a way I haven’t thought about to enjoy the day even more. I also liked the thought of including the Savior more in my day–this particularly helped today as I was getting frustrated with my kids and I just thought about including the Savior right then and my patience got better in that moment.
My favorite quote in this section was from Shawni that “there’s not much more that can give our kids confidence and encouragement than spending time with a mother who loves them”.
I do have thing in the book that I disagree with and that is Shawni constantly referring to her daughter as chubby. As a women who spent years treating teenagers and women with eating disorders, and who now is trying to raise daughters with a positive body image, I don’t think there is any positive reason to do that.
Aside from that, I’m really glad for the points and reminders in this book.
I’ll admit, I got the book Thursday but didn’t start reading section 1 until Monday, baaaad Mama!
I’ve started keeping a notebook with thoughts from it so here are some things from that:
First off, I like the imagery of “living it up in the trenches.” I got a mental image of war trenches with streamers, balloons, and a record player. I think that’ show it should be. Yeah, you’re constantly under attack, you never know when the never trajectory (read: explosive diaper) will be coming your way, but you can still count on those streamers to add a little life to the events of the day.
“Be where you are when you are” is a hard one for me. I have a very active imagination but, sadly, I use it more to think of alternate realities or alternate futures than to make time with my kids more fun, or to turn the walls of my trenches into flowers.
Since I was in college, the metaphor of the refiner’s fire has always been really special to me. The hymn “How Firm a Foundation” is my favorite because of the references to this fire. I hadn’t thought of it in relation to motherhood before this, though. I really like how Linda mentions that No pain or trial is ever wasted. I think exercise is also a good metaphor, one more people might be able to relate to. When you have extra fat, it holds onto toxins but when you work out it releases those toxins and gets them out of your system.
I do have to disagree about cherishing every little thing, even the hard stuff. I VOW TO NEVER CHERISH POOP PAINTINGS. I will never look back on poop paintings on the wall with affectionate feelings. You can’t make me. Yeah, some things that make us mad now we will long for when our kids are gone or even just older, but some things we won’t.
The last thing I really liked was the part about Jesus coming to visit. You wouldn’t lock him in a room and not let him see your house or your busyness or help out with the kids, you would have him in each compartment of your life, welcomed and helpful.
I like your visual of trenches with streamers, etc. I’ll have to remember that
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@shelby I know huh? I have to make such an effort…really with a clear head…when you are IN the trenches. It takes a lot of effort!
@Rachel I agree with you with the chubby thing…
Her daughter does have a medical condition and one of the side effects is the weight gain. So maybe that is why she feels comfortable referring to it? You can read on her blog what she has: 71toes.com But even so, I don’t love it either.
@Jessica HA HA YES! I think it’s good to be honest about things you will not cherish and that you will want to get rid of. It’s just being honest.
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