love of local in Utah
4 Month After Baby Haze
Over the holidays I started to come out of this fuzzy haze of newborn bliss that starts to turn to a thick fog by the end of it. I adore the newborn phase; breathing them in, thinking about nothing else. A blank mind, in a fog where nothing else really matters.
And then the fog begins to feel suffocating and I can feel myself begin to try to find my way out. Baby needs to sleep in her own room, the days of being in lounge-wear are starting to get old, and I have forgotten who I am.
So at the end of this newborn bliss that I love, it always ends with this phase of trying to find who I am again. I begin to feel just like a vessel with nothing inside. I change diapers, I feed kids every 2 1/2 hours, and am ready for an interrupted night of sleep. Everyone around me becomes a bit ghostlike. I am there taking care of them but not really there interacting with my heart, with who I am.
I have two weeks where my husband worries about me, I look and act a bit depressed. But I remember I do this every time and I know what I need to get it out of it.
Find who I am again while keeping in mind the season of my life. The season of my life is four little girls ages six and under. So I try to figure out the fine line of keeping the house kind of up, spending time with my husband, having two babies, interacting like a good mama with the two oldest. But also having goals for myself and working towards them. The season of my life doesn’t give me much time for this. But I have to figure out how to find a little.
So I sit down and write down who I want to be, what my soul needs, what my body needs, what my relationships need, and what my creative mind needs. And I make little, so very little goals to help me come out of this haze.
Then finally I feel like I can stretch out my arms and poke my fingers out of this fog. And that every single day after that a little bit more of me will emerge. Until I finally can see ME.
Tags: motherhood
Can I just say a big AMEN. This is so true, it takes me a bit longer than 4 months, Devin it was 10 months. Sabrina I am just starting to feel this way.
So well said, thinking of you.
So beautifully written and so true – ALL mothers go through this. Kudos to you for recognizing this and learning about you and what helps you be YOU!
One of my favorite things to say is “a time and a season.” It helps when I get into a state of feeling like I’m running in circles or failing at everything.
Oh, how I miss you. Like totally tons.
Yes!!! That is right where I am!!!